What I am supposed to be doing is taking James to the bank and having him sign an Affidavit of Responsibility for the three thou in phone-sex bills he charged up on my girlfriend’s phone. She wants no more dealings with him so it falls to me, his best friend. The Affidavit of Responsibility is something that can clear her credit if James doesn’t pay up. James is supposed to be paying up, but he doesn’t appear to be doing that.
What he appears to be doing is test-driving mopeds. He appears to be sweet-talking the sales guy, and when we get the keys to two spanking new Vespas we appear to be going around the block when what we are doing is stealing them and cruising the streets in search of a new Laundromat.
Jeff Parker, “James’s Love of Laundromats,” in The Taste of Penny, p. 132.